June 25, 1998
Red's Java House, San Francisco, California (USA) - Burger Time pilgrims took their primer grey Honda station wagon to the Embarcadero Thursday to take part in a pilgrimage to what has become known as "the Mecca of burger time". In this town of holy destinations, Red's Java House is considered to be the holiest of holies to this relatively new church which has grown considerably in the last decade.
After a morning spent fasting and playing burger time at their church on Grove Street, the pilgrims proceeded with the traditional journey en mass to the water. It was the high holy day of Chef Pepper, or "Peppah Chef da Burgie Tyme"
Red's Java House is the place where pilgrims performed one of the three pillars of Burger Time, to commemorate Chef Pepper's sacrifice of the bun, cheese and patty. The pilgrims performed a shortened noon and afternoon prayer collectively in the parking lot, raising their hands in jubilation, for their fast had ended and their long quest fulfilled.
At noonish, the pilgrims, stood in the traditional "line of remembrance" at the holy wall of menus, diverting their gaze from such specials as "Hot Dog & Beer $1.50" or "Deviled Egg .75" to order either the "Hamburger & Beer" or "Double Cheeseburger & Beer $2.90" only. At the sacred "corner table" they ritually imbibed in Budweiser Beer (a transubstantiation ritual given through Chef Pepper - "this Bud is my blood") and the burgers ("take this burger, it is my body"), while throwing pickles at seagulls in a symbolic gesture of stoning the great evil one who is the pickle, egg and dog.
Red's Java House, which is mentioned in the Holy Ritual Book of burger time, is generally considered one of the few remaining San Francisco eateries that has not been despoiled by the scourge of corporate and yuppie sterilization and homogenization. It hosts great food and great prices and you can get your burgers on a sourdough bun. The essence of Red's embodies the major Tenant of the Second of this religion, that being, Do not waste your pepper, You only start with only five. The poor and the hungry are served up with tasty burgers at this holy shrine, which encompasses Burger Time principles and morality.
The pilgrim's were joined by others from the church who arrived on foot via the great South Beach trail of burger time. After the meal, the faithful made their way to said prospective jobs or to the Anchor Steam Brewery for free beer, then on to another holy site, the Hotel Utah, to perform missionary work. The night winded down with the great Survival Research Labs Robot Wars beneath the freeway approach to the Bay Bridge.
Many were converted by the great raising of the arms of jubilation of chef on completion of level one.
