Pontifical Decree
Re: California Extreme 2002, San Jose

My dear fellow church bretherin and sistern,

It is I, pontifex maximus, and I write to you now, my eyes full of blessed tears of joy, for Chef Peter Pepper has appeared to me in a vision today. IT HAPPENED whilst I was sitting alone naked and drunk at my computer. The window was open and a cold San Francisco breeze blew into my room. I'd been drinking Steele Reserve and playing Burgertime for hours.

It was upon the dropping of the last burgie leviathan in LEVEL FOUR that I took pause between screens to stare up into my mind's eye on the wall there where the usual collection of blackbirds, vampires and those little German garden gnomes that incessantly mouth silent obscenities at me all scattered away and disappeared, making popping sounds in the process.

The room became very still and the copious hair on the back of my neck stood at attention. I stopped breathing and for a moment I was completely lucid. A char broiled whiff overwhelmed me and I thought I might have a seizure. The smell of charbroil was suddenly replaced with an odor of sweet cooking burger fat that permiated my every pore. My vision blurred and colors swirled and swam on my wall; white, red and brown.

Suddenly, as I sat back, sweating like a pig and feeling the burger fat crawling on my naked skin, I saw small acid green shoes take form. A large red "H" came into focus. There was a loud crash, as if an earthquake was shaking the house and everything around me froze as the shape of CHEF PETER PEPPER came into form.

He waved his arms in ecstatic frenzy and I fell to the ground, knocking my 40 ounce Steele Reserve onto my keyboard which then shorted out my computer, sending a cloud of sparks and smoke up to CHEF PETER PEPPER'S MIGHTY FACE.

It was then that I realized the TRUTH.


CHEF PEPPER LOOKED DOWN UPON ME AND SAID, "pontifex maximus, you have spread my word well, but now you must go on a journey. Do you know the way to San Jose? Go there and spread my word in the flesh."

It was then that I attempted to stand but was thrust back with one MIGHTY WAVE of his hand as he peppered me with his heavenly manna and disappeared from the wall.

Needless to say, I was shaken. I immediately drew this picture of my holy costume and the holy costume of an acolyte.

My computer was working again and my Steele Reserve 40 ouncer was full and standing up. I took a long sweet drink. On the screen, Chef Pepper waved his arms in frenzied ecstasy. He visited me and I felt elated and full for being in the presence of his supreme holiness.

I found the California Extreme 2002, in San Jose this September 7th and 8th and reserved tickets for myself and the Sistern Jenny Bird. We will spread the word through stickers, costumes and tracts and bring many to the GLORY of the church of burgertime.

This is a journey I must take with only the Sistern Jenny Bird, but if any of you will be there, we will be out front spreading the word and doing CHEF PEPPER'S WORK. Until then, I will be preparing myself for this most holy journey. Your words of kindness will be greatly appreciated in this time of training and preparation.

your humble servant
pontifex maximus

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